Impending, Fantastical Doom

Gosh, College and life away from Rexburg is looming over me. All I can say is I will feel totally exposed and unprepared. I've only just lately started to realize how sheltered I really am. I do want to get away from America, if but for a short time. I want to know the world is round, you know? I think of all that my sisters have done and are doing, and I shrink at the thought; I feel so small compared to them, so silly and frivolous, so unaware of things as they really are. I know I'll be lost for a month at least. It's taken me a few months to even get Rexburg's layout down--how am I supposed to navigate anywhere else? Ah, graduation scares me, and I never thought it would. I've always been a person to tackle ideas and challenges and new things with relish and gusto, but I'm afraid of life being too big to tackle and that I'll fall short--or worse, that I'll tackle it with all fervor and discover I've taken too much on myself, like my sisters before me. I have this horrible adoration of the future. I'm just so excited to start life at MY command, being able to go as fast as I want to, in a sense, without fear of looking over my shoulder at nay-sayers and copycats. But then they don't ever leave, do they? The only thing that'll change is whether or not I'm looking over my shoulder to see them. Doesn't the thought ever seize you: the hope of becoming the greatest of all, compounded by the fear of total failure, which twists into some dreaded hybrid, like crying for joy or laughing so hard you wet yourself? Ever feel like that?