You know, I'm finally realizing why my sister hates Drama People so much.
This is a repeat of one of my last questions:
WHY DO WE DO THIS!?
We tear each other down, bite off heads, talk over, trod under our feet, and then what?
We ignore.
Why hurt people, why make them feel small? Is it to feel better about ourselves? But we don't, that's just it. Never by cruel words can we improve ourselves.
If you can't tell, I'm in one of my rare angry moods. Today I was hurt, and no one even knew it. Even some one who considers herself one of my best friends ignored me, assuming I was in one of my bubbly moods as usual, and talked about her small universe. If anyone had simply looked at my face or really listened to my voice, they would have known. I'm feeling kicked to the curb. I feel shrunk. I feel clumsy and immature and stupid around my friends.
No, I'm not angry. I'm sad. I've been wounded and forgotten. I feel like I've been transported back to the days when my sisters would all walk in an impenetrable line in front of me, whispering and laughing and berating anything I tried to put into the conversation. I feel nine years old again and every time I try to put in my opinion, it's immediately shot down. I feel stupid, and did I mention small?
I also feel like I can't make a difference. I've been trying, honest, so why do I still stand alone? I talk in a crowded room and no one turns their head. I have an idea and no one listens. People tune me out; I'm totally aware of this and have evidence. Sometimes I just wish people would do for me what I so often do for them. No thank you needed, but I would like a return of love, capiche?
